Yuuki's First Period
by Makku to Chizu
Summary: The events that occurred following Yuuki's first time of the month. Warning: Crack Fic, OOCness.


'_No. Please no. NO! Dear God in Heaven, do you hate me THAT much?'_

Yuuki stared at her toliet, the red stain seeping down throught the pipes as she flushed the toliet.

'_It's not FAIR! Why now! WHY?'_

As she continues to scream and curse the heavens, a firm tap rapped the door.

"Yuuki? Are you alright?"

'_Shit. SHIT!'_

"Um, y-yeah, I'm okay." Yuuki stuttered out. She needed to get him away before he saw THIS!

"Are you sure? I'm coming in…"

"N-No, don't-" But he had already opened the door, and quickly turned away.

"Oh Yuuki…I think I know what this is…"

'_No! Why? Why, why, why, why, WHY?_

"It seems my little girl has finally hit puberty! Oh, this is so exciting! I must fetch the phone! Kaname-kun must be updated on this latest occurrence!"

Yuuki could only stare in mortification as her adopted father zipped to the kichen and began to call the one person she didn't want to know about this.

'_Of all people, Kaname-sama? Why, of all the people in the world he could call, he calls KANAME-SAMA!'_

Yuuki was ready to just fall over and die but, alas, fate would not have it.

"Yuuki, the headmaster is having a spazz attack over the phone. Isn't he little young for a mid-life…Yuuki?"

"Zero, now is not a good time!"

"You're hyperventilating. What's the matter?" Zero looked past her shoulder into the bathroom, and immediately wished he hadn't.

"I…see…"

"Don't see! Erase it from your memory!" She quickly closed the bathroom door and pushed him in another direction.

"Go find something else to do! I have to stop him somehow…"

"Have fun with that."

"Would you go!"

"…You should at least clean that up."

"W-what business is that of yours!"

"I need to us the bathroom."

"Go use another one!"

"…The headmaster clogged the other one. Number three. Wasn't pretty."

"You are so insensitive! Guys have it easy! They don't even hit puberty!"

"Of course they do."

"No they don't! I don't see you having blood come rushing out of your body, do I?"

"…We hit puberty in different ways."

"Oh? How so?"

"That is none of your business."

At that moment, the forgotten Headmaster waltzed in, and over hearing the topic of conversation, decided to contribute his thoughts.

"Well, Yuuki that is an interesting question, with an even more interesting answer."

"I swear to God, headmaster if you even begin to explain all that…"

"Yuuki, when a boy hits puberty, his body doesn't change, but his thoughts change."

"Here we go…" Zero gave a dramatic sigh and sat on a couch. This was going to take a while.

"You remember how when you were little, boys and girls used to play with each other without a second thought as to what sex the other was?"

"Yes…"

"Well, when those boys and girls get older, you know the girls obviously grow-"

"Let's not go into that!"

"Well, they become more 'womanly' if you will, and the boys start to think about…hm… I guess you could say about having babies with them! You do know how babies are made, right?"

"O-Of course! Stop going off topic!"

"Where are you going with this, headmaster?"

"Well anyway, they think about certain naughty things and then they start doing naughty things such as-"

"I think this is going far enough, headmaster."

"Zero, stop interrupting him!"

"You really don't want to know what he was about to say, Yuuki."

"Yes I do! Continue, headmaster."

"Anyway, to relieve, as they say, sexual frust-"

"That is ENOUGH!"

"Kiryu-kun, no need to be embarrassed. It's a natural part of life. You must have done it at least once yourself."

"That is irrelevant to the conversation."  
"What is Zero doing to himself? He's not hurting himself, is he?"

"Actually, Yuuki, it's a very…pleasurable experience."

"…So it feels nice?"

"Yes, but it's even better when someone else does it."

"I can't listen to this anymore."

"No, Zero explain what you are doing to yourself! And why does it feel nice?"

"Well, I, uh…"

"Yes Zero, you explain this to Yuuki while I start to dinner."

The headmaster cheerfully skipped out of the room while Yuuki stared intently at Zero.

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"What is it that the headmaster was talking about?"

"…Yuuki, let it be known that I have never even thought about doing this to myself before we start this conversation."

"Just tell me Zero!"

"Alright, when a boy likes a girl and he can't exactly…touch her…he…"

Yuuki's eyes widened as Zero explained the entire thing start to finish, turning red himself as he got to the more, ahem, explicit parts. Both skipped out on dinner that night and from that moment on, neither ever spoke of the human body again.

…That is, until they had to put a condom on a banana in high school.


End file.
